Adventures In Public Transit

Since my return from backpacking, I have been taking the transit almost everyday. And usually quite a few times in one day. Over the years of taking the “public limo”, I have figured out some of the unwritten rules of riding the greener way. Here’s my compilation:

1) a. By no means do you ever sit beside someone else if you don’t have to. People enjoy their space and are rather annoyed when you plop your fat ass beside them.

b.  If there is a row of three seats, do not sit in the middle one. You’re just being a jackass to the people that follow rule 1)a.

2) When on a bus, such as the GO bus, follow the pattern. If you’re looking at an empty row of seats and the people behind you and in front of you are sitting in the aisle seat, sit in the window seat of your row. Then you are free to adjust your seat without pissing off the people who got on the bus before you and acknowledge this etiquette.

3) a. Obnoxiously loud conversations with other passengers or on a cell phone are just that, obnoxious. No one wants to hear what you have to say, if we did, you’d be a public speaker or maybe a politician and they don’t normally take transit. And if I can hear you over my headphones with my volume at a reasonable level, yes, you are definitely talking too loud.

b. If I can hear your music and I’m not sitting next to you, or even if I am, it’s too bloody loud. Save your hearing and don’t force me to listen to your shitty music. I don’t make you listen to mine.

4) a. If someone has large and/or many items in the seat beside them and there are other seats available, go sit in those seats. That person most likely does not own a vehicle and this is how they have to live. Have you ever sat down for a hour or more with heavy things on your lap? If not, try it.

b. If you are just putting something small in the seat beside you because you don’t want someone to sit there, try the sunglasses on/headphones in/pretend you are sleeping method. It works much better. Just don’t use it too often.

5) If you are sitting in an aisle seat and the bus is getting filled up, move over to the window. Don’t make someone climb over top of you to sit down. I realize you are probbaly comfortable and your seat is all nice and warm, but you’re being an asshole.  To ensure the ability to have your seat reclined if you so choose, when you get on the bus, make sure you pick seats with no one behind you, recline both seats and voila! Problem solved!

6) Eating on transit. Now this is a tricky one because there are acceptable and unacceptable food items to bring and eat on transit. The acceptable ones don’t have a strong smell and aren’t very messy. Be courteous to your fellow riders and the ones that will sit in the seat after you. Also, pick up after yourself. I’m sure your mother taught you better than that.

7) Smelly/sweaty/fat people/sick people. I know you exist and I’m probably a horrible person for bringing this up but let’s face it- no one wants to sit beside you or have you sit beside them. Why? Because either you smell, you breathe loudly, cough, sneeze, sweat, or you’re just so grossly obese that you take up way too much room and spill over into the next seat. Don’t be offended that people don’t want you beside them, they just enjoy their personal space or their health and don’t want you intruding.

Happy transiting!